Patience. One word. Two syllables. So much is behind this thing that I struggle with on a day-to-day basis. It’s hard to tell yourself to slow down when the world around you is constantly moving. I am someone who likes things done at an exact time, on a drawn out schedule, within the box I have created in my out-of-control mind. I play tug of war with God because I want everything right away. We all do. This has never been an easy thing for me, as I am sure many of you can relate to. We don’t like being in a state of inactivity because it’s a place of anticipation and what-ifs.
I have been going to a Body Flow class at my gym, which is a mixture of Yoga, Tai Chi and Pilates. It is built on breathing, flexibility, energy, strength — but what it really focuses on is being mindfully mindless. Essentially, it’s about collecting all of your thoughts that you have in the day and harnessing your body by pushing them out for a short while.
I make it a point to go to this class because I think too much.
Trying to be patient has taught me an awful lot about myself. When it gets past a certain point of any situation where the waiting game seems like it has reached its threshold, I begin to get in a state of worry.
When I was in my sophomore year of college, I experienced one of the lowest points of my life. I was away from home and lived in an unhealthy housing situation. I felt as though I could not finish what I had set out to start by going to college and getting an education.
I felt lonely, had a lack of sleep and was not a happy person to be around. It was only when I would go home every weekend that I would feel relief. Luckily, I was only an hour away and had parents that would pick me up every weekend, since I did not have a car at the time. However, this was a temporary fix. I knew that the living situation that I had, I never wanted to experience again.
I was able to get a car and have an apartment off-campus my last two years of school.
I am so open about what I believe because I honestly do not know what I would have done without Him. Many people look at Christianity as just another religion, but it’s a lifestyle for me. I still operate and enjoy many of the joyous gifts of life like anyone else. However, I understand where it all comes from. The divine joy I receive when I have tried my hardest and have almost given up but somehow things work out — I do not see as something I have done or a coincidence. I see it as God telling me that it is my time. That my time is now.
In looking back on the situation, God could have made everything great right away, but He was producing thick skin, endurance and strength within me. I had to be able to manage living on my own, and I couldn’t have done this unless I was certain.
So, my point is that patience is far from easy. It can leave you in a state of worry where you feel like all you can do is cry, especially if the situation does not seem to be getting better. However, God knows the plan and purpose for your life, and although you cannot see it doesn’t mean it isn’t there.
There isn’t a cure or medicine to make anyone become more patient. It takes a lot of work. However, knowing that God is always going to have my back and never let me fall makes it just that little bit more manageable.