We hoard our feelings, hoping that they’ll never explode.Suppression is an epidemic in many of our lives because we want to seem put together. We want to make everyone else around us think that we have it under control. One after the other, they pile up. Depression, anxiety, sickness, painful circumstances, undeniable hurt. Whatever it might be, whatever brings you down — one after the other — they accumulate. The weight on your shoulders is normal because you convince yourself that it should be.
This is characteristically me. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I’m willing to admit it. Things do affect me, and when they do, I try to forget. I decide to suppress. “It’s fine,” I say. “I can handle it.” I store the whispers in a box. I buy more suitcases to stockpile my doubts. Neatly organized, I carry on — never really letting it out. Never really letting go.
But life catches up with you.You try to fight it. You seek to get rid of it. You think you’ve handled it, but instead, it begins to show. They don’t break at first. They don’t crumble initially. It’s a gradual pull. One you never expected to rupture. But it does — crumbling down.
Pieces lying on the floor, they look at you dead in the eyes. Making you come to terms with it all. Saying that you couldn’t possibly have thought you could go on like this forever.
You have your pity party for awhile. You cry for a moment. You free the aggression that’s been weighing you down. You have every right mind to stay there — to give up. You’ve questioned God and don’t expect Him to bother sticking around.
You might be hurt, but you’re not defeated. You’re bruised, and it takes everything in you to move on. But God is there surrounding you. Loving you. Keeping. Protecting. Guiding you. It makes all the difference. It’s all you’ve got.
It’s the very thing you need.